To world-build, as an artist, in times of genocide
Reflections on art as resistance, as a tool of world-buidling.
January 15, 2026
[part of a larger body of work "Utopia, my love]
We watch, in
horror, a people be erased from the surface of the earth. As the
machinery of capital funds the erasure. As we contort ourselves to make
room for new languages to mask the atrocities. What does material
resistance look like? Where does art fit into this world in decay? Is
there room for world-building, the way Malcolm and Biko, Audre, Darwish,
Ngugi, Nina, and Fanon taught us to? The kind of world-building that
doesn’t flinch?
Here, when I say World-building, I do not mean some aesthetic indulgence. Not when the ground is being stolen from under us. Not when maps are
redrawn in blood. I mean the practical blueprint towards the Utopia.
Don’t we first need to be able to imagine the Utopia? Malcolm taught me
that the mind must be free before the body can follow. So we imagine,
because imagination is the first battleground. The system wants our
dreams anesthetized and wired to obey. But dreaming is dangerous when it
refuses their logic. To learn, as Fanon’s Wretched, not to sleep to
dream “but dream to change the world”.
Find the horizon. Now look beyond it.
Ngugi taught me that the “cultural bomb” the imperialist world continuously attacks us with, aims to
“annihilate
a people’s belief in their names, in their languages, in their
environment, in their heritage of struggle, in their unity, in their
capacities and ultimately in themselves.”
And
today we know enough and see clearly enough to resist the attacks. This
resistance is how we learn to breathe when the air is laced with tear
gas. It’s how we learn to speak when our mother tongues are continuously
being buried.
I refuse to see art as a distraction, a soft comforting beauty. I, through my art, must become a weapon.
Make myself and make my art indegistible if need be. Audre Lorde said
“poetry is not a luxury”: poetry is how we name what tries to kill us. A
figment of the not-yet, pulling us collectively towards where freedom
lies. (Collectively: make note of it).
A figment of the not-yet
and also a key to resurrect what was buried. What came before… Before
the colonization, before the occupation, before the rubble, before the
whitewashing, before we forgot who we were. Biko taught me that the
colonizer’s greatest weapon is the mind of the colonized. I vow to rip
that weapon from their hands.
In the making of works and worlds,
we must learn to cry and laugh, simultaneously. That’s what Darwish
taught me. A far-removed witness to the burrial of his people, in grief
and sorrow and yet in constant celebration of life, love and beauty.
Words, from exile, from absence, that have allowed Palestine to live on
in all our minds and hearts. He wrote people back into memory, through
sorrow and hope. He called it “an incurable malady”. Not naïve hope, but
ancestral hope. The kind forged in dispossession. The kind you can’t
bomb out of a people. He taught me the kind of hope that plants seeds in
scorched earth and says: I dare you.
I do not have weapons so let my art turn me into a weapon.
Nina Simone taught me that
“An artist’s duty is to reflect the times.”
Reflection
as transmutation and alchemy. Transmute yourself into something larger
than your own person, than your art, than your existence.
We do
not create from innocence nor from a neutral place because the weight of
inheritance walks alongside us. That inheritance consists of
displacement felt in our bones and tongues that were ambutated. But we
build anyway, don't we? With fragments and scraps and memory.
We
build remembering one thing: No empire on Earth is eternal. So let us
build the Utopia, that will seep into the cracks. That is how we break
open the future.
Saidiya Hartman taught me that we can be critical fabulators: use imagination as methodology. This means we must invent and tell stories inside ourpast struggles, not seperate from them.
To
build a world inside the wreckage is devotion. It is remembering that
rebellion can be painted, danced, or sung. Some come in the form of a
soul-awakening jazz solo at the piano. Some as a camera filming faces
and bodies and trees.
They want us to forget. Isn't that the
essence of how domination works. It erases bodies from the earth but
also visions. To create now, when the world is being leveled in front of
us, is a political stance. To create now is a declaration that we still
have skin in the game. We still believe in a world that doesn’t yet
exist. And we will keep making it, image by image, word by word, until
it does.
Let Me Weep Beneath Your Beauty
An attempt at deconstructing the complexities of Cape Town
October 15, 2025
There exist places where your heart is unsure if it should revel in joy or choke in a sea of tears. Tears of sadness.
Cape Town is one such place.
Let
me write the Lonely Planet pitch so you and I are aligned: As the plane
begins its descent, you are already overcome by the natural beauty you
see. Mountains, valleys, an endless ocean. A cascade of greens and
blues. A tango of never-ending clouds dances above it all, fragmenting
the shy rays of sun into diamonds that sprinkle over the city. You land
and the air is moist. A true Southern Hemisphere autumn in the peak age
of climate collapse. Humidity in your nostrils, droplets on your skin.
It does not take long for any traveler-tourist to find Cape Town
seductive. Like a mantra, this was sung to me by every individual I knew
who had come to Cape Town.
As soon as you hop in the car that
will take you to the city centre, you see Table Mountain standing like
an old stoic, as if guarding centuries of memory.
Because you know
the bare minimum about south African history, you get a haunting sense
that this beauty is either a reflection of the monumental reconciliation
work undertaken since '94, or a God-given wondrous disguise.
Beyond
its natural beauty, the city throws in your face an iconic understated
luxury, so perfectly fitting with the kind of coastal living it offers.
Add to that luxurious wine estates, rich hippie beach-living, art
galleries and concept stores that would make Europe blush, and a food
offering on par with New York, Sydney or London - but honestly, even
more interesting and flavourful. I was not sure if I were stuck in the
past and therefore unable to see things for what they were or if this
was all a facade. It took a few hours in the city to get some clarity:
it was all a facade, and the ghosts of apartheid and colonialism were
everywhere, not even pretending to hide.
This will make those in denial angry.
To
walk the streets of CT is akin to navigating a landscape shaped by
centuries of conquest and racial capitalism. If it were a tagline: CT,
the cityscape that performs modernity while rehearsing segregation. One
quickly understands that here, power is in fact being exercised through
control over the spatial, economic, and psychic horizons of the
have-nots (learned from the great Achille Mbembe). I’ve experienced my
fair share of cities where power is mapped into geography (isn’t that
the essence of the urban construct? you may ask). Cape Town took it all
to a new level: it is as segregrated as its beauty is tentalizing. There
is a precision to the exclusion, a choreography of inequality, in
between the mountains and oceans juxtaposed with fences and highways
that cordon off entire communities.
Tourism, in this context, is a
spectacle for the privileged eye. The curated charm is meant to put any
sense of (social) conscience to sleep. A masterclass in curating for
global (white) consumption, resulting in an astonishingly beautiful
sterilized narrative. It says: here, suffering is non-existant, because
beauty protects you from suffering.
The mechanisms of global
capital, at play in so many cities of the Global South, sanitize the
wounds of the past into Airbnb lofts and Instagrammable murals. The
violence of gentrification is recoded as neighborhood revival. There is
no mention of who was removed or who still walks miles to clean homes
they are never allowed to inhabit. Healing you said?
As my stay goes on, I keep wondering if I’m just too "in my head". No.
We
are still talking about a city in what is considered to be the most
unequal country on earth. Cape Town has twice the country average of
Whites. More wealth is concentrated here than anywhere else in the
country. The short drive between the CBD and Clifton’s pristine beaches
materialize the statistics I have read countless times. They become
imprinted on your pupils. Or should we speak of Khayelitsha? In my life,
in my work, I have learned that inequality is seldom accidental; it is a
design and an afterimage of colonial extraction retooled for neoliberal
accumulation - throughout the Global South.
In this postcolony, the past is not a ghost but still very much a landlord we all pay rent to.
If you ask me: it still reeks of apartheid.
It
is in the architecture of daily life, in the streets that feel like a
palimpsest where past and present bleed into each other. It is in its
spacial construction as much as in its soil: the wine farms, a short 60
minute drive from the CBD,aremonuments to coerced labor and Black
servitude. And yet, they still stand untouched, proudly exhibiting their
year of creation, by Dutch or English settlers. Today the labor is not
coerced by the white land owners, but by the crushing economic system
inherited from the past. It does not make it any less coerced.
Land does indeed bear memory.
What,
then, does it mean to arrive as a visitor? To inhabit such a place,
even momentarily? We need to be able to dissect this question both in
ethical and structural terms. In being a tourist in such a place, I
become an agent in an economy built on asymetry: of wealth, of movement,
and of voice. The pleasures I get to experience are subsidized by the
exclusions of the many. I am not from the Global North and yet, it all
feels built to recreate the "imperialist nostalgia" bell hooks wrote
about: allowing the dominant (classes, nationalities) to consume the
very cultures and peoples they have oppressed. A visit to Stellenbosh
and you understand the brutality of this nostalgia. For a moment, you
are unsure if you are in the streets of Maastricht or Liverpool on a hot
summer evening. I’ve seen it in my own home country and I see it here:
the formerly colonized world is rendered a theme park for liberal
indulgence.
And here, I find myself unwillingly on the wrong side of the fence, on the side of the White Man.
I
feel myself often dragged forcibly by my inner voice to speak of
Whiteness when I am in Africa. It’s odd as they are the minority. Yet,
the White Man is everywhere. Whiteness, in the African context
is not just a phenotype, or ancestry, but above all a mode of
entitlement. There are also black/colored people that have integrated
Whiteness, through a colonized mind - a whole different topic, and
something I am accutely familiar with. In a city where Whites represent
only 20% of the population, it feels as though they are the majority. I
have drowned myself in research papers to try and understand this
phenomenon. White comfort, security, and aesthetics take center stage,
while Black pain is rendered invisible. Whiteness is embedded in the
infrastructure, in the beachside cafés and boutique wine farms, in the
presumption that land, beauty, and leisure belong to some and not
others. In Cape Town, whiteness maintains these colonial lines by
reasserting control over narratives, space, and memory - like in the
rezoning of Woodstock, or the sanitized storytelling in curated heritage
tours. It resists redistribution through the bureaucracies of zoning
laws and property markets. The colonial project is well and operational.
Did I offend the reader?
A
couple weeks before traveling to CPT, I read a book that has
transformed the prism through which I approach the space between
inherited identities and the colonial past: Neither Settler nor Native,
by Mahmood Mamdani. I was not expecting to also learn in great detail
about South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC). With an
entire section dedicated to it, Mamdani uses it to illustrate the
possibilities of a re-imagined national, inclusive identity, that has
truly moved away from the inherited rigid boxes of colonial identities.
The
TRC, explains Mamdani, created a path to symbolic healing without
altering the material conditions that sustained white supremacy. He
argues that true reconciliation demands political re-imagination, a move
beyond the politics of guilt toward dismantling the very institutions
that naturalized exclusion. In his words, reconciliation without justice
is not peace, but pacification. And that is what I have been feeling
since getting here: Pacified ethnic groups living side by side,
tolerating one another because there are no alternatives.
To walk
through Cape Town with integrity is to understand that discomfort is a
compass to the city. It demands a radical form of attention, in order to
not be an accomplice.
Cape Town is becoming, to me, the ache of
its unresolved history. All those who travelled here clamore at the
mention of its name, but no one spoke to me of the brutality on display.
So if the clouds above do shimmer like diamonds, I do not think
they exist to merely refract beauty. They're heavy with memory. Beneath
the beauty, the city is asking for your reckoning.
On photography & Decoloniality
An exploration of ongoing questionnings on the role of photography in the field
February 25, 2025
A poverty-stricken community. Unsanitary living conditions. Tin roofs
and mud-covered streets. Nowhere for the water to drain. And in the
midst of all this sadness: children smiling, staring straight into the
camera.
As you read this, an image likely forms in your mind. Why? Because it’s one we have seen too often:
on the covers of magazines, in the fundraising appeals of international
organizations, or even displayed on the walls of galleries (which you'd
have to pay a lot of money for to aquire).
These images have become a visual shorthand for suffering, a currency in the global economy of empathy.
There
has never been any shame associated with “capturing” destitution. As
long as there is a beautiful face, an innocent smile, or a longing gaze
anchoring the frame, the world seems content to consume these images
without question. Is this a critique or a reckoning on my part? I hope
the former, but I know it is the latter.
I was 18 when I first
drove around my hometown, in the passenger seat, with my father, headed
to one of the many slums the city housed, to try and capture that awful
feeling I grew up with. This time, wth my camera. To try and tell a
story of unfathomable inequality. I remember photographing this young
girl, who was not older than 8 or 9 years, filling up a massive bucket
of water. She was filling it from a public drinkable water faucet.
Because their slum probably did not have any proper sanitation nor
access to drinkable water. I have this shot of her that still haunts me
to this day. She has suffering painted all over her face and she is
staring at my lens - while the water is running.
Yes, I got a
beautiful, chilling series of shots that day. They captured an
incredible story of dignity in suffering and a reality no one should
experience.
I also learned a lesson. One I would take
with me to this day - as I am still just as enthralled by photography as
I was back then.
The lesson is: Slums and any sort of
disadvantaged area where humans are forcefully stripped of dignity are
not theaters of curiosity for the privileged to gawk at and document.
And yet, they have for a long time now become our favorite paradoxical
places to shoot: read the sentence I wrote above and you will understand
that we are all part of the problem. I wrote: a story of dignity in
suffering. That is what we go looking for: a story of suffering and
resilience, of despair and unyielding joy.
WHat we
forget: There is a sacredness in being allowed to witness these lives.
Getting to experience these spaces should come with immense gravity.
This humbling experience cannot be a passive one - it demands something
of you.
These thoughts flood my mind as I spend the morning in
Kibera, supposedly “Africa’s largest slum.” I am here, physically
present, yet my mind is elsewhere. My senses are overwhelmed. Too many
emotions to even name them. The air is thick with the scent of burning
charcoal, the rhythm of life like a trance-inducing sound, all around
me. I am trying to take it all in. My eyes take everything in, and my
brain is ordering me to “capture it” - not with my eyes but with my
camera.
I am a photographer, am I not? I am supposed to capture what I see, to bear witness, to document. The kindness, the vulnerability, the unimaginable strength
before me creates a time warp, an almost out-of-body experience. But I
am too aware of the weight of my lens. I
Brian, the talented
photographer behind the “Kibberastories” instragram page and wonderful
human, told me “a camera is a weapon”. It is! Or at least that is how it
is perceived by so many on our side of the planet: where cameras were
the tools of the white settler/traveller who stripped our people of
everything, including their dignity. It suffices to look up “colonial
photographs of indigenous women” to fully grasp how cameras empowered
the colonial gaze for as long as cameras existed.
“The camera
makes everyone a tourist in other people’s reality, and eventually in
one’s own”, Susan Sontag wrote. I do not want to be a tourist here. I do
not want to turn this reality into a spectacle, nor do I want to
retreat into the convenient distance that photography can create. How do
you tell the stories your eyes have witnessed without falling into the
trap of the white colonizer?
James Baldwin once warned, “People
are trapped in history and history is trapped in them.” The history of
photography in Africa is one of colonial documentation, of images taken
to “other” people who were not white, to showcase the “exotic”, “the
poor”, “the look of the babrbar” - and ultimately to justify oppression.
Even today, many of the images that flood Western media perpetuate a
singular narrative when speaking of certain places in Africa for
instance: one of poverty, helplessness, and dependency. The full story
is rarely told.
But what does it mean to tell the full story? Does
it mean turning the camera away altogether? (Which is what I did in
Kibera - frozen by too many questions and a fear of doing things the
wrong way). Does it mean to do it the “white way”, the wrong way? Does
it mean resisting the instinct to document and instead simply existing
in the moment? Or does it mean finding a way to photograph without
extracting, without reducing?
As I stand in Kibera, I realize that taking a photograph is not the same as telling a truth.
My camera, my gaze through this camera, has the power to distort, to
humanize or to exploit. I want my photographs to serve as testimony, not
as trophies. I want them to honor. I want them to speak with the people
in my frame. I don’t want the “look how joyful they are despite living
conditions that no human should ever have to experience”, but I want the
joy, because the people in front of me have joy in their eyes.
To
resist the easy image, the one that the world already expects, and
instead, to seek the ones that honor the dignity of those whose lives
are being documented.
And maybe, in the end, to put the camera
down altogether, and simply listen. My only photo of Kibera is one taken
from the side of the road, before I walked in.
On the impossibility of seeing ourselves
What does it mean, in this violent century of spectacle and forgetting, to be known by oneself?
February 1, 2025
[Part of a self-portaiture project/series]
How does one write
the self in a culture so in love with itself? A culture drowning in
reflection yet starved of recognition? I don’t think I want to keep
learning the language of exposure, of curated selves, filtered bodies,
optimized timelines. I - we? - have mistaken mirrors for intimacy. And
in this carnival of projection, the question remains: how do we write
about the self without becoming yet another narcissistic node in the
network?
What does it mean to narrate the feminine self without reproducing the exhausting liturgies of white-washed feminism?
How do we see ourselves in an era where we are constantly submerged in images of what we are supposed to be?
How
do you build an identity that is rooted and loving, with pieces of
broken wood, made of cracks, in a skin that does not love you back, all
in a world at war with itself and all of God’s children?
To
see myself means to risk confrontation, with a fragmented self,
composed of broken reflections, warped by colonial inheritances and
capitalist desires. The work of identity becomes excavation.
I ask: can we actually see ourselves?
And what does it mean, in the century of spectacle and forgetting, to be known by oneself?
Writing
about the self is exhausting. Thinking about the self is exhasuting. It
requires entering a terrain without maps, where the terrain shifts as
soon as you name it. The I that begins the sentence is never the same I
that ends it. I want to stop thinking. I want to escape the recursive
loops of performance and distortion.
Who is this “I”? She is not
beautiful. Not thin enough. Not brilliant. Not rigorous. Not “doing
enough.” Lacking. Always lacking. A litany of insufficiencies echoing
like a punitive hymn in my mind. An accretion of no’s. Each one sutured
into my skin.
Overweight. Unfocused. Too much. Not enough. The
negations keep accumulating, filling the cracks. What remains is a
wounded architecture. And yet, I am asked to build a forever home in
this body. A home made of broken wood. What chance do any of us have to
build something whole, when we are always under siege? When the siege
begins not with the outside world but within the soul? I am a subject in
exile from herself. I play catch-me-if-you-can with my own embodiment -
like so many. I have never seen myself. The idea of myself has always
been easier to live with than its actual reality. I have been trained to
perform instead.
I offer this: self-knowledge is impossible without self-perception. And self-perception is impossible without love.
We
live in a world at war with itself, and with every self within it. This
war began before memory, before any one of us can remember. Perhaps, as
Fanon wrote the alienation of the colonized begins not with the loss of
land, but the loss of a coherent “I” (1). A dissociation so profound
that even the reflection I see in my mirror cannot be trusted.
I
see myself, and yet, I do not. I have fantasized endlessly about the
self I could be: the one who was lighter, sharper, quicker, easier to
love. The self that could survive the gaze of others (2). Or is it the white gaze?
The unbearable weight of the Other’s eyes, of the colonizer's eyes.
They live in my brain. To be female, to be different, to be Othered, is
to live with this gaze embedded in your bloodstream. To perform the
acceptable self for safety. But there is no safety in fragmentation.
I learned that the hard way.
I don’t want to become someone else. I
only want to become myself. But how does one do that when the world
only rewards performance? Performance so as to blend it that crowd
you've never wanted to be apart of. Someone I love calls it “la
dictature Gaussienne”: the tyranny of the Gaussian curve. The tyranny of
the mean. The bell curve demands that we conform. And most of us
-non-white, excentric, queer, fat, racialized, neurodivergent - live in
the tails of that curve, trying to slide our way into the “normal.” Just
to breathe. Just to be left alone.
Have you ever buried yourself
under 500 layers of rock, just to survive? I have. Invisibility was my
shield for years, maybe decades.
This inadequacy I carry, this
fracture, comes from a life lived in contradiction. Torn between who I
am and who I’m supposed to be. Between my body and the images projected
onto it. My mind is colonized and its inner voice speaks in the accents
of those who colonized my elders. Do you understand me?
Pecola
Breedlove, in The Bluest Eye (3) , prays for blue eyes, not because she
thinks they’re beautiful, but because she believes they will make her
visible. Worthy. Beloved. That’s the level of
distortion we’re dealing with. The (Global) South’s children raised
under the shadow of the (Global) North standards. After all this time,
I am still building the right vocabulary in my own language to name
myself.
But I am scattered. Scattered across time zones and
continents. I see different iterations of my identity dispersed all
around me and I crave unity and wholeness more than ever. Today, I know
that to take up space in this aching world is an act of defiance. In all
the tools I have accumluated over my life, to live fully as myself is my most radical one yet.
The work, then, is clear: to claim the fullness of the self. To continuously refuse to disappear. To build peace and wholeness from the cracks: for myself and anyone who wants to tag along.
(1) Fanon, Fanon (1952) Black Skin, White Masks
(2) Plath, Sylvia (1963)The Bell Jar
(3) Morrison, Toni (1970) The Bluest Eyes
Ramblings on privilege
An attempt to deconstruct who is the "uncivilized"
June 3, 2025
Who exactly is the uncivilized? What is underdeveloped? When we speak
of a country, we are really speaking of its people. Who are the
underdeveloped? What will develop them?
Who is best suited to help them "develop"?
Every
time I used the words "developing countries" - and God knows I used
them thousands of times in my work - I could feel an unease in my
throat.
A guilt chased by confusion. Developing based on whose
criteria? Whose assessment? How long do we remain "developing" before
reaching this elusive final tier? What else can I call them? It became
"Low and Middle-Income Countries," as the IMF or World Bank would say.
Sure, it’s more concrete, more sterile. But what does that really tell a
layperson about a country? Absolutely nothing. So I form an idea
instead, one reinforced ad nauseam by the media: They’re poor. Always
experiencing some kind of catastrophe, be it man-made or natural. And,
of course, they need our charity.
We are always someone else’s white person.
It
may sound exaggerated, but this is the gist of what is taught in
economics programs worldwide. Barring a few exceptions, we pity those
who are poor while holding tightly to the belief that their plight is of
their own making. They elect corrupt leaders. They don’t rebel. They
don’t play by the rules the West has so tirelessly laid out for them.
And when you give them aid, they mismanage or steal it.
Sure, I’ll concede that this happens.
But
are we ever really going to address the root of this evil? Or is the
world content to keep moving forward with this madness, this inane cycle
of half-measures, distractions, and performative concern?
I know
inequality. I know what it looks like. I started crying in the back of
my parents’ car quite early on, unable to make sense of why the children
my age, I'd see out on the street, were handed such a radically
different and unfair deck of cards in this life. So I knew inequality.
Or so I thought.
I came face to face with a type of inequality any
rational person would assume long gone. The kind you’d think had been
eradicated after billions of dollars spent on "development" on this
continent, after countless lofty goals and summits. Abject living
conditions were a thing of the past. Surely, progress had somewhat
reached everyone.
But it hasn’t. Not even close.
I worked on
these topics, spent years studying them, thinking about them, writing
about them, analyzing them. And yet, somehow, I was not fully aware of
just how dire things remain for so many. It’s one thing to discuss
inequality as an abstract idea, as numbers on a page or a set of
statistics. It’s another to see it, to feel its weight, to stand in its
shadow and realize how deeply entrenched it is.
And yet, in
parallel, I have been hearing a different story. The story of how
Africa, under the reductive and laughable "Africa is a country"
paradigm, is the future. The economies are growing at rates Europe and
other "advanced" nations can only dream of. Africa is the future, and
yet, I can't see it.
Opportunities, opportunities, opportunities. That’s the refrain.
Sure,
progress has been made. But at what price? And are we really okay with
the pace at which this progress is being made? I’m not talking about
progress as Microsoft opening an office or a new public-private
partnership to build a bridge. I’m talking about progress that secures a
decent livelihood for fellow human beings. Progress that ensures people
don’t just survive but thrive.
Colonialism is everywhere. The colons know it. The local populations know it, feel it. And yet, no one talks about it.
Why are there so many white people? We cannot ask, right?
But
asking why there are so many Arabs, Africans, or Indians in Amsterdam,
Brussels, or Stockholm is perfectly acceptable. Entire political parties
and policies are built around reducing the number of racialized
individuals in any given country. Because, by default, these people are
framed as plunderers of the national economy.
And yet, the white
man or woman in Africa is perceived as something entirely different.
They are here to help you develop. Or they are here to invest. Either
way, they are here to help. They aren’t taking anything, we’re told:
they’re simply giving.
Arabs and Asians, from the subcontinent and
East Asia, are also here. They’ve come to take their share of the
"developing" pie. The opportunities are too good to pass up.
I
find myself consumed by waves of anger. It comes and goes, usually in
moments of reflection. One moment, I’m filled with immense joy, sharing
genuine belly laughs with strangers. The next, an angry, bitter fire
burns inside me.
It took me days to fully understand this. I
wasn’t just under the weight of constant new realizations, each one
hitting me in the face. I was also shedding layers of ignorance I didn’t
even know I carried.
This isn’t a sob story about seeing barefoot
children living on the street. No. This is about something deeper. It’s
about being reminded, everywhere I look, of my privilege. Of my
whiteness.
Here, I am one of the colons. I belong to their team because of how I’m perceived—white-passing, moneyed, and educated.
It’s
a strange and painful thing to realize: I cannot truly experience a
place because I am seen as part of the colonizer’s team. Even those who
know who I am try to shield me, recommending only places where they
think a white person would go.
I thought I understood privilege. I
thought years of grappling with guilt and discomfort were enough. But
nothing prepared me for the confrontation I’ve experienced here.
I am angry because I do not belong to the place I so desperately wish to melt into.
Wherever
we go, we inevitably reproduce the patterns of our social class. I
behave like a white person because I am perceived as one.
Ta-Nehisi
Coates wrote of Black Americans wanting to "go back" to their homeland.
But they weren’t going back; they were planning a colonization. Big
difference.
Hordes of white people occupy the nicest corners of
this city, corners they’ve built for themselves, replicating systems and
spaces from elsewhere. They live in compounds and cafes that scream
"Western comfort." They are the colons of today, and the rest of us are
implicated, whether we like it or not.